On a quiet planet in the centre of the galaxy named Mutter's Spiral, a wardrobe cabinet materialised in the middle of a field of dark blue grass, accompanied by a musically grinding noise seldom heard on this planet. The wardrobe cabinet belched clouds of yellow-grey smoke from all sides, as if it were about to burst into flame. A door opened in the cabinet, and a woman staggered out of the cabinet in a giant cloud of the same smoke. The woman, dressed in rather ugly clothing, collapsed to the ground in a series of violent coughs.
As the smoke cleared, a series of sparks arced over the sides of the wardrobe, filling the air with a hum and loud popping sounds. The woman looked up at the wardrobe, her body racked by more spasmodic coughing, before falling unconscious. Her body was folded in half, and her singed brown hair covered her face haphazardly.
The arcs stopped. The wardrobe shimmered and changed shape, becoming a black obelisk, which promptly fell on its side, barely missing the unconscious woman.
The woman's body began to glow, and her features changed.
***
The moment the Rani saw the black obelisk on its side, she knew things were far worse than expected. Still lying on the ground, she reached into her pants pocket and pulled out a small remote. Pressing a button on the remote, the Rani hoped it would stand the obelisk back up. When nothing happened, she felt a prickling on the back of her neck. Reaching up to her neck, it was then she noticed the four inches of extra leg sticking out of her pants and the fact that her boots were extremely tight.
The Rani stood up, which was a painful experience. Long strawberry blonde hair covered her face. Annoyed, she pushed it out of her way and assessed the situation.
Something had happened to her ship, causing an explosion and a regeneration, she thought. Her memories were slightly scrambled in the process, but her ability to reason was still intact. She walked to the obelisk and placed a hand on one of the panels. A glow surrounded her hand and a door opened up.
The Rani entered her ship, disrupted by its sideways orientation. There was debris strewn about the console room, pieces of highly sophisticated technology embedded in the walls like shrapnel. Carefully, she walked through the control room, avoiding the remains of the control panel and column, now reduced to a mechanical stump protruding from the floor-turned-wall. She made her way to the door on the other side and opened the door.
The long corridor was empty, and surprisingly in the normal orientation, unlike the control room she had just passed through. She assumed it was a fail-safe of some sort as she found the wardrobe room and entered it.
The first thing she did was to find the mirror and take a look at her new body. It was much different than the other forms she had taken. The most obvious thing was how tall she was, nearly six feet. The second thing was the hair - very long and curly. The face was glamorous, not the face of a serious scientist. She had bright blue eyes, a petite nose, full lips, and an oval shape to the head. The body was long and thin, similar to the models seen on a third rate planet she visited from time to time known as Earth.
She quickly changed outfits, finding a simple white blouse and black pants that fit comfortably and correctly. She was never much of a clothes-horse, preferring functionality over appearance. However, with her new look, she considered trying to improve herself in that area.
***
It took the Rani quite a bit of time to find the auxiliary control room. It had buried deep within the structure of her ship, unused since she first took it from her planet of origin years ago. The room itself was quite small, a square room with a tiny control panel in the centre with no column and the switches covered with panels. She moved to the console and spent a few minutes examining the controls until finding the panel she needed. She flipped a switch and the room hummed with power. She checked the readings and saw that the ship was using its emergency reserves. Her next move was to jettison the main control room, now that it was useless. She found the proper buttons and deleted the room by casting it into the vortex.
She appraised the damage to the ship: the chameleon circuit was utterly destroyed, and some minor systems were damaged. However the largest single problem was that the link to the Eye of harmony was severed. Without the link, her ship wouldn't be able to travel at all. Her next move was to attempt to hack into the Matrix, which she had done on numerous occasions to see what might have happened. However, the Matrix didn't seem to exist....
***
The Doctor settled down in his easy chair, ready to read The Plague by Albert Camus, when he heard an alarm emitting from the console.
"C'mon, old thing, don't disturb me now," the Doctor said, slightly upset. He ran to the control panel and saw it was a signal from another TARDIS.
"Hmm, coming from Voloux. Well, might as well pop in, then." The Doctor reset the co-ordinates and headed off to help.
***
She had been broadcasting the signal for nearly two weeks, hoping there might be something passing through the vicinity to lend a hand. In the meantime, she set about making some repairs on the damaged systems, keeping herself as busy as possible. Idleness was never one of her strong points. She used the emergency reserves for basic functions, such as lights and the signal her ship had been emitting.
The Rani had her head buried underneath the small console when she heard the welcome materialisation sound of another TARDIS. Since the scanner was damaged, she had to go out and greet her guest personally without first checking who had arrived.
When she saw the Police Box, she frowned at first, but realised at least he would help without dragging her into some scheme for universal domination and personal revenge. How much help the meddling fool might give was another question.
The incarnation of the Doctor that had stepped out was one she'd never met before. He was taller than the last one, but not by much. He wore a black velour jacket, grey pants, a vest and a silver ascot. He had bright eyes and shoulder length wavy brown hair. He smiled and waved at first, before his countenance turned serious.
"Well, well. What happened to you?" the Doctor asked recognising the Time lady before him.
"My ship exploded. I haven't been able to determine the cause, yet," she replied coolly. "The main control room was damaged beyond repair. I had to jettison it."
"Recent face-lift?" the Doctor asked cheerfully.
"Very," she replied.
"Going for a whole new image?"
"This wasn't my choice. Though I'm stuck with it for the time being."
"Are you still calling yourself the Rani?"
"One gets used to a name after a few centuries."
"I still prefer Edna."
The Rani frowned. "That was a long time ago, and I still hate it."
"You never had a sense of fun, you know that?"
"What about you?" the Rani interrupted. "I see you've had a change yourself. Very vain of you to go for a younger model."
"I never really cared too much about my appearance. It's what's inside that counts."
"Spare me the platitudes, Doctor."
"So, what have you been doing with yourself? Still playing God with inferior races?"
"I'm a scientist, and the world is my laboratory, nothing more. But according to your narrow view, yes. You're just a meddler. "
"Always do what you do best," the Doctor replied. "I finally took care of a mutual friend, though."
"Splendid," the Rani said sarcastically. "One less jackass in my life."
"So, are we going to exchange insults all day, or do you actually need my help?" the Doctor asked.
"Somehow, my ship has lost its link to the Eye of Harmony. I also tried to hack into the Matrix, but was unable to connect with that either."
The Doctor laughed. "You haven't kept up on current events lately, have you?"
"Obviously not, since there was that problem with the cat and the President."
"A silly prank taken too far," the Doctor replied. "Still, you did overreact to the President's overreaction."
"Would you have liked to have spent a regeneration or two on Shada?" the Rani asked defensively.
"Probably not." The Doctor pulled a wax bag out of his pocket. "Jelly Baby, Rani?"
The Rani glared at first, but couldn't prevent a smile from forming on her face. "Don't you ever grow up?"
"What's the point of growing up if you can't act like a child every so often?"
The Rani nodded. She helped herself to a Jelly Baby. "All right, what's going on back home?"
The Doctor pointed to the Police Box. "This is going to take a bit, so why don't you join me in some tea while I explain."
***
The Doctor led the Rani into a room deep within his TARDIS. It was a large open space, with a wooden deck, and numerous plants. In the middle of the deck were two comfortable chairs and a round table. The Doctor carried a teapot in one hand and mugs in the other.
"Only you would have something as frivolous as a Tea Room in your ship, Doctor."
"Call me a sentimentalist, Rani."
The Doctor poured the tea and handed his fellow Gallifreyan a mug. The Rani slipped off her shoes and curled her new, sensuous frame into the chair. The Doctor was astonished by her new body. The Rani had become quite the looker.
"The concept of you as a beauty queen is a bit -"
"Disconcerting? Believe me, Doctor, I'm still getting used to it myself." She looked at her toes briefly. "I'm feeling the urge for a pedicure and herbal wrap," she said dryly.
"Signs of a sense of humour, Rani? There's hope for you yet."
"Enough small talk. What's happened to Gallifrey?" the Rani asked, her tone serious again.
"How does one put this?" the Doctor said airily, "Um, Gallifrey is no more."
"How do you know that?" the Rani asked sceptically.
"Let's just say I was more than a witness."
"Come on Doctor," the Rani said, extending a long leg and nudging the Doctor with her foot, "don't be coy with me."
"Ever hear of Faction Paradox?"
The Rani thought for a moment, then laughed out loud. "The lunatics who worshipped time paradoxes? I thought they were a theoretical absurdity."
"Technically speaking they were - are. But something happened along the way," the Doctor whispered. The Rani saw the look on his face, a look of anger, fear, guilt and regret.
"There's more to it, isn't there?" the Rani said seriously.
The Doctor nodded.
He spent the next twenty minutes telling his story, leaving nothing out as he explained the fate of Gallifrey. The Rani sat silently, absorbing every troubling word.
Finally, the Doctor finished his story. He stared at the Rani with his bright blue eyes red-rimmed and drained of the usual spark they had in them.
"Not what I expected to hear," the Rani said. "Though it doesn't surprise me that their own arrogance and isolation would be a factor in their destruction."
"Rani, I was forced to pull the trigger. It was that, or see the known universe destroyed."
"You did what you had to do, Doctor. You always had an ability to keep the universe on the proper track. It's a trait I've admired, when it didn't personally involve me."
"I don't know why I'm telling you all this. Not what I did, but why," the Doctor said quietly.
"Possibly because I'm one of the few people who might understand," the Rani replied. For the first time in ages, she felt empathy for her fellow Time Lords, though it didn't show on her features. Besides, she thought, how does one react to the death of a homeworld you haven't returned to since you left?
The Time Lady adjusted her position in the chair; she sat straight up with her legs crossed underneath her. "I've been away from Gallifrey for so long I don't have any emotional response to its destruction."
"You're a cold hearted one," the Doctor snapped.
"I've never been one for emotions. I've always looked at life through the objective view -"
"Except when it's for your own self-serving needs."
The Rani glared, then nodded. "Point well taken."
The Doctor took in and let out a long breath. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't be snapping at you."
The Rani reached for the pot and filled her cup. "It's all right. At least you're being more friendly than I deserve. The last few times we've gotten together haven't been fun and games."
The Doctor stood up and did a couple of deep knee-bends. "Shall we see what we can do for your TARDIS?"
"Not yet. I haven't finished my tea." The Rani smiled, catching the Doctor off guard with its sensuality. The Time Lady turned sideways in her chair and let her long legs dangle from the armrest. Sensing his unbalance, the Rani smiled again. She noticed his ears turning red with embarrassment.
"My goodness, haven't you ever seen a beautiful female form before?" the Rani purred.
The Doctor smiled weakly. "Look, it's not that -"
"Not what?"
"I actually met someone nice, recently. She was from Earth, name of Grace Holloway."
The Rani raised an eyebrow. "Post-regenerative confusion, right?"
"Yes and no," the Doctor said. "What do you care? You see other beings as guinea pigs."
"I didn't always think that way, you know." The Rani picked up her cup of tea, took a sip. "Back at the academy you and I were quite compatible for a while." The Rani's features darkened. "That is, until you met that hermit."
The Doctor nearly spit out his mouthful of tea. "Don't blame him, or me, for that."
"I was never one for self-blame, Doctor. After losing you to him, I hardened my hearts. Gave my being over to the objective view."
The Doctor got out of his chair and paced. "I tried to tell you about him, but you didn't want to listen."
"We were both very young then. Water under the bridge, so to speak," the Rani said calmly. She hopped from the chair and stood up. "Come on. You can look at my TARDIS while we continue this conversation."
***
The Doctor examined various sections of the Rani's TARDIS. He made notes into a pad, and used a couple of palm-sized gadgets to take readings of various pieces of equipment.
"You've kept your TARDIS up nicely," the Doctor said, impressed.
"Thank you. I still don't know why you still use that museum piece," the Rani said, a smile on her face.
"That type 40 and I have been together for so long, I would feel guilty using another ship."
"Sentimentality in a Time Lord is a very strange idea. You sound like you're in love with your ship."
"Not in love, but she has been at my side for a long time." The Doctor smiled. "Don't you feel any empathy with your ship?"
"There's a mental link, but I never thought of it as empathy."
The Doctor checked a couple of readings, wrote a few notes on a pad. "I think I can rig up something for you. Though it's going to take some time."
"I'm in no hurry," the Rani replied.
***
LATER THAT DAY:
Back in the tea-room, the Doctor pulled out his double bass and played a song.
"Is you is, or is you ain't my baby. You're lovin' was the best I ever had!" the Doctor crooned with a raspy voice. The Rani was laughing loudly as she watched the Time Lord tear through the song with raucous, drunken enthusiasm.
The table in the tea-room had a pair of snifters and a half-empty bottle of Louis XIV cognac set in the middle. Earlier, the Doctor had cooked a wonderful gourmet meal for two, complete with soup, escargot, foie gras, and pheasant under glass. Two bottles of merlot were consumed with the meal.
"You know, you have the most horrible voice in the world," the Rani said through her giggles.
"I'd like to see you give it a try, old friend," the Doctor replied, still slapping away on the bass.
"I'm not much of a singer." The Rani gave the Doctor a lusty stare. Goodness, is it the wine, or is this really me, she thought.
"How about dancing?" the Doctor asked, putting down his bass.
"Valentino said 'there is nothing like tile for the Tango.'"
The Doctor's mouth hung open.
"I'm not as culturally deprived as you might think I am."
"Well, do you Tango?" the Doctor asked coyly.
The Rani paused, trying to control her racing thoughts. "You can always show me."
"All right, then." The Doctor reached out and dragged the Rani to her feet. He started running out of the tea-room, the Rani along for the ride.
***
The Doctor had changed into a tuxedo, while the Rani went to find a new outfit. The Doctor found an old album of classic Tango music and put it on his Victrola. Standing in the control room, he waited for his student to arrive.
"Well, what do you think?" The voice was smoky, licentious.
The Rani walked in slowly. Her curly locks were piled on top of her head. She wore a sleek black dress with spaghetti shoulder straps and a short skirt, which showed lots of leg. Her shoes of choice were a pair of stilettos that caused her to wobble a bit.
"I-I-I-I don't know what to say." The Doctor felt his face redden. "You look absolutely stunning."
"Thank you." The Rani saw that the Doctor had brought the cognac into the control room. "Could you pour me another glass?"
The Doctor nodded, filled both glasses. He brought them over to the Time Lady, who struck a pose on the dance floor.
"I'm beginning to see the real fun of having this type of body, Doctor."
"That's good. The real question is what is going on inside?"
The Rani smiled. "We'll have to wait and see, won't we?"
The Doctor handed the Time Lady a glass of cognac, which she drained in a single shot. The Doctor, shaking his head, followed his companion's lead. He walked up to the Rani and saw an immediate problem. His eyes were level with the top of the Rani's bosom. She saw the problem and laughed out loud. She kicked off the stilettos, which still gave her a height advantage, but not as dramatic.
"Don't step on my toes, Doctor."
"I promise I won't."
For the next hour, the Gallifreyans danced to the music. The Rani learned fast, and towards the end, she was fighting to lead the Doctor. They ended their long dance with a spin that caused them to collapse on the Doctor's favourite easy chair.
"You're a natural, my dear," the Doctor said.
"I was always a quick study." The Rani moved around until she was sitting on the Doctor's lap. She then playful pinched his nose.
"I'm feeling very light headed. Must be the cognac."
"Alcohol does have that effect, you know."
"Now I see it," the Rani said, wrapping an arm around the Doctor's shoulders.
"See what?"
"What all those pretty things see in you."
"My friends?"
"Your female friends, Doctor."
"Rani, I think you're seeing things that aren't there," the Doctor said with a stiff formality.
The Rani laughed. "Don't be so modest, old friend. You are a charmer."
"I think it's more overt in this form. It's always been there though."
The Rani tousled his hair. "Don't be so coy, Doctor." She leaned over and kissed him deeply. He struggled a bit at first, then gave himself over to passion....
***
He opened his eyes and immediately regretted doing so. The light in the room was far too bright. His head was pounding, it felt like a block of cement.
"Good morning, sunshine!"
The Doctor forced his eyes open and was greeted by the sight of the Rani sitting on the end of his bed, wearing his dress shirt and nothing else.
"Oh, dear." He rubbed his eyes.
"Is that anyway to start the morning, dear?" The voice was teasing, playful.
"This is the worst hangover since one of the last times I got into trouble with Azmael." He stared at the Rani who had a huge smile on her face. "Why are you so chipper?"
"Life is a wonderful thing, Mr Grumpy."
"Please tell me you have coffee made, Rani."
"Coming right up. Be in the tea-room in five minutes."
The Doctor blamed his confused state on all the drinking from last night. He watched the Rani leave his bedroom with a spring in her step seldom seen in any Time Lord. He sat up and regretted it instantly. He felt his mind explode into shards of glass. He closed his eyes and ripped the covers off his bed. Staggering to the door, he felt odd....
When the Doctor realised he was naked, he let out a yelp that sounded like a dog being kicked. He stumbled around his bedroom, looking for his clothes. He desperately tried to remember what happened last night, but his alcohol-dimmed mind failed his memory. Finally he staggered into the closet and grabbed a robe, a pair of pyjamas, and some slippers.
"Aren't you coming, Doctor?" the Rani shouted from down the hall.
"Just a moment, Rani."
He made his way to the tea-room. The Rani had (thankfully, thought the Doctor) added a pair of tight jeans to her wardrobe. She sat on the table, hair tousled and legs crossed.
"You look cute when you're trying to be modest," the Rani said, addressing the Doctor's wardrobe.
"Modest?" The Doctor rubbed his temples, wishing his headache would disappear. "I'm just being me."
"You were an animal last night." The Rani jumped off the table and charged the Doctor, locking him in a tight embrace.
"I was? I mean, I was, wasn't I" the Doctor said. This is going to be a long morning, he thought.
***
After several cups of coffee, the Doctor felt functional enough to work on the Rani's TARDIS. She had offered to help, but the Doctor waved her away, saying what he had to do was time consuming, but not hard.
"Besides, I want to be the only one to blame if it gets mucked up."
"Fine with me, dear," the Rani said, patting the Doctor on his butt. She left him to work on the repairs after retrieving a small case from her ship.
The Doctor breathed a sigh of relief as soon as his head was inside the control panel. He wanted to help her and be on his way. He felt a sadness about not having the same feelings about her that she apparently had about him. It was too much, too soon. He posed the same question about the Rani, she asked him when he told her about Grace: Post regeneration instability? Then he chastised himself for being as cynical as the Rani. Instead of dwelling on the issue, he threw himself into his work.
The Rani couldn't get rid of the smile from her face. As she watched the Doctor bury himself in his work, she had to suppress the laughter that wanted to pour out of her. The whole concept of seduction as a means of control was incredibly simple, yet one of the oldest ways to do it. A small part of her was angry she never tried to use seduction before. It was always a base, primitive approach; not what a brilliant scientist should use.
It occurred to the Rani, as she left her TARDIS carrying her makeup case, that she hadn't told him what she'd been up to since she escaped the Tetrap planet. She'd ran into the one with the horrid taste in clothes again, but mainly spent time doing research that didn't involve race enslavement. She had moved onto other areas of research, anthropology being a current favourite.
Anyway, the Rani was unsure what to say to him. She'd felt embarrassed about her overbearing passion earlier in the day, but enjoyed the Doctor's disconcerted countenance; those pink cheeks and red ears were enough to have her howling with laughter.
And, alcohol or not, she knew the old boy had charm to spare. It was nice to see he hadn't lost it over the centuries.
The Rani dragged out one of the chairs from the tea-room, and went about polishing her toenails, a task she'd never attempted before. While she patiently worked on her pedicure (candy apple red), she asked herself a hard question, the same line she'd thrown at the Doctor, mainly to provoke a reaction:
Post Regenerative Instability?
Possibly, she thought. However, she was an old hat at regeneration, and had never went through a personality change like this. It troubled her; would she settle back into her old objective self, or was this a sign of things to come?
***
The Doctor walked out from the Rani's TARDIS and saw that his colleague had set up the chairs and table from the tea-room outside. The Rani still had his shirt on, but it looked nice on her. She was curled up in one of the chairs, a cup of tea in her hand.
"How is my ship?"
"It should be ready to go, for a while. I've done a little jury-rigging, and as long as you stock up on these items," the Doctor said, holding out a piece of paper, "your TARDIS should run properly."
"Thank you, Doctor," she replied. "The tea is strong and fresh."
"Believe me, I'm going to need it."
"I also want to thank you for last night."
"You're welcome," the Doctor replied.
"I also want to let you know that I don't think a long term relationship is in the picture."
The Doctor nodded. "I understand, Rani."
"You and I lead different lives. I have my research, and you have your meddling."
"Somebody has to do it."
The Rani held up her hand. "Do what you do best. I know."
The Doctor smiled, poured himself a cup of tea. "I think I'm going to swear off alcohol for a while."
"Hangover?"
"A particularly severe one."
"Acute dehydration caused by simple molecules."
"Don't be pedantic, Rani."
"I'm a scientist. I do what I do best."
"Subjugation?"
"Don't pick a fight now," the Rani said, "Besides, I'm not doing that anymore."
The Doctor gave the Rani a hard look, saw the truth on her face.
"That's good to hear." The Doctor finished his cup of tea, then refilled it. "You should go with a darker colour," He said, pointing at her toes. "Try a deep blue."
The Rani frowned, then saw the smile on her friend's face. "I haven't had polished toes since the Academy," she replied, bursting into laughter.
"I like the new you, Rani." The Doctor stood up, put his cup on the table. "By the way, keep the chairs and table. I have a few spares." He walked to his TARDIS.
"You're not going to let me cook for you?"
"I'll take a rain check. You know, places to go, people to see."
The Rani stood up and ran to the police box, catching the Doctor before he could leave. She looked into his eyes and gave him a soft kiss on the lips. They embraced and stayed that way for a long time.
"Goodbye, Doctor."
"Goodbye, Edna."
The Rani swatted the Doctor on the butt, then smiled. She watched him enter the TARDIS and leave.
***
The ship was in flight, cruising the Vortex. She stood by her console, deep in thought. It had been a good meeting, and part of her wished the rogue hadn't left.
"Just like him to show up and cause trouble," the Rani said to herself.
However, she had work to do, and she knew he'd show up in her life again.
